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what do you see?​



World Mental Health Day 2019

You only see what they want you to see

Like Through the focus lens of the camera

Or Filters on a photo

A facade with a caption

Withholding the truth but not in entirety


Its A baby girl that has everything

A little girl with the dreams

From dolls dressed in pink to a woman embossed in white

Not really a lie just not as it seems.


Feeling empty on the inside with life in shades of black/white

tilted on an uneven playing field

mind distorted, unstable, blank

Alone.

This What happens when a little girl’s dreams don’t turn out to be reality


Slowly Everyday becomes the same as yesterday

Waking up bathed in uncertainty

Soaked in grief

Constantly drowning and not even trying

Having something but feeling nothing

No growth no hope

No desire no flight

Like sands on the shore

waiting for the waves to come crashing

Something, Big enough to clear my mind, show my form

The very essence of my being


I close my eyes and see these dreams like stars in the night sky

Stars falling

But stars don’t just fall

There must have been a call, its a gradual one and the fact remains that something’s wrong.


Being proud is not the case

It’s the thoughts in my mind that race

Walking is a pain, sleeping; a nightmare

And sitting, an ache in the back so strong that I can’t stop the tears.


I cry, struggle to breathe, to live

Carrying the weight of the world on my chest, and that very same world hurling stones at me, graciously sliding under me, making me quiver with no balance, scared of my fate and dead in heart.

No happiness but sorrow and joy; sadness that can never cloy


It could be the unending rage

Between the two with a slight difference in age

It could be the hurdles along the way

That seem difficult to relay


My real needs are hidden beneath the surface

And my dreams at the top are the most delicate of all

So then think, stop

Become my safety blanket, slow the impact of my fall

Pick up my pieces, build me back up

Bridge the gap in my mind between my truth and my lies


“READ BETWEEN MY LIES, READ ME UPSIDE RIGHT”

“SEE THE TRUTH IN MY EYES, HURT IN MY MIND”


But Until then

Ill be crying every night

With my strong front I’ll be putting up a fight

Joy on the outside and solid smile

I’ll stay small, hidden behind my wall


I’ll grow, from little girl with the dreams to a little girl with the dreams coming true

The false dreams; the falling stars


You’ll only see what I want you to see

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